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My Adventures as a Member of Landstown Cross Country and Track and Field by Lawrence Thomas II

3 Jun

Yesterday while I was at home I realized that I had a safety meeting at Car Spa. Maybe it was due to my schizophrenia or schizo affective disorder, that I thought I might die on the way to Car Spa, my mind was also on my old college friend Christian Chu, while in the car my thoughts shifted to some of my old  high school teammates like McCrae Calista, Aaron Roe, Bruce Thompson, Connor Bennett, Stephanie Frenchik, Brent Coulter, Wes McDaniel other guys and girls on the team, our coaches Tom Anderson and David Coulter, and hearing them call me captain of the team, I was overcome with emotion of mostly good memories of being on the cross country and track team. I practiced but ultimately decided to never race collegiately due to lack of scholarship at Virginia Commonwealth University.

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My Adventures as a Member of the Thomas Family by Lawrence Thomas II

3 Jun

When my mom(Yolanda Small-Thomas) called with the news her parents read my letter I also thought about how hard my parents work. My Dad(Lawrence Thomas) worked/works as a truck driver for over 30 Years or all his working life and my mother worked/ works various jobs before working for Panera at least 10-20 years. I wonder how they did it or do it because sometimes I fell driven and other times I feel Lazy and sometimes I feel inbetween all and all I wondered if this will really work, I still prayed to be with the girl I care about or Natasha Lennox, the girl that I happen to have feelings for. Note: there is no actual Natasha Lennox, I just use that name to identify the girl I care about, it originates from conversations I had with my college friend Christian Chu, I would use that name to refer to a girl I was interested in. I continued with the thought of how hard my Parents and family worked and were still working. I thought about my Grandfather (Also Lawrence Thomas Jr.) who had been a truck driver too long for me to figure out and I thought about both Grandmothers (Beatrice Small and Lucille Thomas) and my Aunts (Aunt Kathie, Aunt Jennifer, Aunt Mary Joe and other Aunts) and Uncles( Uncle Ivan, Uncle Nate, and Uncle Andre) I thought of my family in general and the thought of how this would really work? I continued to pray for the girl I care about and my family. I thought of years of being with the family, family reunions, birthday parties, gatherings with friends and I thought how would the girl I care about fit into all this. I thought of all the time we spent together, the meals and good times we shared, how they watched me grow. I thought about how they supported me through school and college, my grandmother Beatrice more so academically and my grandmother Lucy monetarily. I wondered what they all would think, I  would pray for something good but sensed something bad from the phone call.

I thought how do you bring two families together as one. I thought about how society claims were different how much different we actually are or were. I thought about how we shared things with our neighbors and how we have things in common with them. I thought more on my family and how I could not put into words the love, support, care and everything else they had for me and had given me. I thought about Natasha Lennox, and wondered what they  were like and what they had given her. I mostly wondered how and if the girl I care about could fit in my family and taking into account everything going on. Again I prayed and hoped that the girl I had feelings for would fit into my family and that I would fit into hers. I continued to reflect on my family and mostly how they were affected by this. I thought about how I let my sixteen year old sister Lyric Thomas read the beginning of this journal and how the sex or sexual parts I wrote about might affect her. I told her I was sharing because she shared some of her writing with me and our brothers Jaelin Thomas and Jeremiah Thomas but I thought she  might not be ready to read it, I pray I did the right thing and told her to be responsible. I continued to reflect on family and there possible reactions. And for some reason I thought about how with almost all the girls I’d been with sex was implied but never spoken about except Cynthia(who I did not have sex with), Jas and Carla (with whom I had sexual experiences with), and how there might be some unspoken rule for certain girls or girls of other races or ethnicities. I still continued to reflect on family and how they might react and how I could not put everything into words. I thought about my cousin Brianna Gibbs and how she did not approve of me and Jas getting together and Mike, who I believed was her step brother who encouraged me to have sex with Jas, which I or we ultimately did anyway. I thought about the future others in my position and what I might be forced to do. I thought about the other Claire from college and how me eating lunch and conversating with her ultimately went nowhere. I prayed the samething would not happen with the girl I care about. At the time I thought if I could just address every girl and relationship from my past to get to the girl I care about I would. I thought about president Michael Rao at VCU and how he taught me and spoke about mentioning a brand to have a brand owe you for recognition. I then thought about my dad (Lawrence Thomas) for some reason and how he told me to never become a truck driver at an early age, which I partly understood but mostly took it for reasons he could only understand. I thought about how I cut myself for my family, the girl I care about, friends and various other reasons, how I wrote about it and how her family might find that disturbing. I thought I would bleed or give more blood if necessary but I prayed we come together peacefully and stay in peace. I know my family would find the cuts on my arm, her initials, my penis and elsewhere disturbing, keeping in mind that I’m mentally ill and have been diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder. I still continued to reflect on family and prayed that the girl I care about and I would come together and that we would be able to be together.